My Dog is Sick

My dog is sick. He is bleeding red blood from his bottom, he won’t eat, he lies down and gazes at me with sad soulful eyes.

Jan 14-1-2

I realize that I have been lying. Whilst I did make new concrete personal resolutions to change my behavior this year. I also silently prayed. Prayed for no more deaths. No  deaths this year. A better year, please, than 2017.

I told my dad “you can’t die till 2019.” Being , the cheery glass half full person that he is he replied eagerly “Oh what’s happening in 2019?” Excited that something good might be coming up. I had to admit there was nothing wonderful that I was anticipating in 2019. I just wanted time to recover. A breathing space from grief. For him to live at least one more year.

Looking at my beloved Labradoodle I feel that same fear.  Fear of losing him.  I regard him warily: how sick is he? Why wont he eat. even when he fell off a cliff he ate. Desperately I try to tempt him with tit bits. He rejects even his favorite treats.He is nearly 11 years old. Kind of elderly for a big dog. But I look at him and silently make the same request I made to my dad. Not yet please.

I ponder whether go out to the party I’ve been asked to. I feel bad to leave him but he just flops and goes to sleep. So I think – I will go for a while. It’s fun but half my mind is at home wondering how he is doing.

I’m relived when I return he stands up and greets me. He stays standing watching me in the kitchen. So I guess that he is hungry and search the cupboards for the most bland thing he likes. I find a can open it and pick out a tiny sliver of tunafish and offer it to him on my fingers by his mouth.

He raises his head and licks it into his mouth. I try another flake of tunafish he licks it gently from my fingers swallows and licks his lips again. 5 more pieces and he has had enough. But he licks his lips contentedly. I smile.’Good Boy’

I reach my hand out to stroke him. Sighing quietly he flops and he lays his head on it.

I follow at least one of my new years resolutions and savor the moment. Who knows what the future will bring but right now he is here with me.

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