My dog is sick. He is bleeding red blood from his bottom, he won’t eat, he lies down and gazes at me with sad soulful eyes.
I realize that I have been lying. Whilst I did make new concrete personal resolutions to change my behavior this year. I also silently prayed. Prayed for no more deaths. No deaths this year. A better year, please, than 2017.
I told my dad “you can’t die till 2019.” Being , the cheery glass half full person that he is he replied eagerly “Oh what’s happening in 2019?” Excited that something good might be coming up. I had to admit there was nothing wonderful that I was anticipating in 2019. I just wanted time to recover. A breathing space from grief. For him to live at least one more year.
Looking at my beloved Labradoodle I feel that same fear. Fear of losing him. I regard him warily: how sick is he? Why wont he eat. even when he fell off a cliff he ate. Desperately I try to tempt him with tit bits. He rejects even his favorite treats.He is nearly 11 years old. Kind of elderly for a big dog. But I look at him and silently make the same request I made to my dad. Not yet please.
I ponder whether go out to the party I’ve been asked to. I feel bad to leave him but he just flops and goes to sleep. So I think – I will go for a while. It’s fun but half my mind is at home wondering how he is doing.
I’m relived when I return he stands up and greets me. He stays standing watching me in the kitchen. So I guess that he is hungry and search the cupboards for the most bland thing he likes. I find a can open it and pick out a tiny sliver of tunafish and offer it to him on my fingers by his mouth.
He raises his head and licks it into his mouth. I try another flake of tunafish he licks it gently from my fingers swallows and licks his lips again. 5 more pieces and he has had enough. But he licks his lips contentedly. I smile.’Good Boy’
I reach my hand out to stroke him. Sighing quietly he flops and he lays his head on it.
I follow at least one of my new years resolutions and savor the moment. Who knows what the future will bring but right now he is here with me.